Room with a view...

In Memory of my Dad

I know I am lucky, I awake every morning and as I pull back my bedroom curtain this is the view I am greeted with...

These hills and moorland bring me a strange comfort, each and every season offers up its own show of colour, the last month I have watched the moors turn from a rich, almost surreal green to a bleak and barren rust. The leaves in my garden have nearly all dropped now except for the evergreens, revealing more of the nearer hills. Yes these hills bring me comfort, this place I call home.

As I type, its early evening, the wind is howling around the house, the rain is lashing on my kitchen window, I have a pot of Earl Grey Tea and a little crochet project to hand, the babes are fast asleep and the house is quite allowing me to listen to the weather beating against my home.

Tonight I sit and think of my Dad, its five years since I sat by his bedside, his last night on earth. I find it hard to believe that the time has flown by and yet if I shut my eyes I am in his hospice room with him, a soft light glows in the corner of the room, the smells and the sound of the the comings and goings going on outside that little room...its carved into my memory, its so vivid. I lost my Dad to cancer over a period of six weeks he went from being a strong and creative man to a shell of himself, I watched his body fail him and painfully shut down, I had to listen hard as his speech slurred towards the end, I spent the night by his bedside, scared, unsure of my ability to care for his needs and praying for his peace. Its a night I reflect on with contrasting emotions.

I paced his room when he was conscious, I talked about the moon, a full moon on a clear night, knowing that he will never see such a sight again. As the night wore on and I curled up in the chair next to him, stirring at every movement and sound, we would make eye contact and through his pain he would 'wink' at me. Its a night I want forget, I don't want to, it was a privilege to have spent such a personal time with him.

The following day with his immediate family around his bed he passed away, he fought it all the way. Its the worst experience of my life, watching someone you love pass away. Watching someone you love go through more pain than you could imagine. Its also the most intimate experience, those hours with my Dad and the weeks before, when everyone had gone home I would sneak in and see my Dad on my own, we talked, we laughed we shared information about our lives that we never knew about. It was special. I feel blessed that I was able to say everything I wanted to, we argued over silly things, we laughed about previous upsets and silly things that go on within a family.

My Dad and I often rowed, not big rows we just disagreed a lot. It took his passing to see that my Dad and I were so similar. I type with sadness in my heart, however I also feel great affection, I remember the hours we spent talking about photography, he gave me his beloved camera whilst he went into hospital, I would take pictures and then take them into show him, he would tell me if they were good or bad, how I should have thought about the light, the background etc... he passed on something special to me, he gave me a gift above the materal. With every click of his camera it was as if his hand was over mine...'Do it like this Suzie' 'Look at the light Suzie' 'No No its all wrong' 'Perfect Suzie' I could hear him guide me. My Mom wanted the camera back after his passing as she also understood his love for his camera. I gave it up with a heavy heart. You now though, if I really listen, if I look at the moon when it shines in its fullness, I don't need his camera, his voice is all around...

I love you Dad, I miss you like nothing else, my boys are doing fabulously and oh how you would love them. Rest in peace and may you feel the wings of the angels around you. I love you.

Getting my groove back.... it must be near Christmas

I lost it there for a while, that need, every day having to make something, anything, as long as I made it with my hands... I have tinkered, its not been a passion more of a habit this past year. BUT... Its back, its been working its way back to me for a few weeks now and finally it 'HIT ME' at Autumn half term.
All those ideas and colours kept popping in my mind, no time, finding time has been difficult of late... but with a week without housework or appointments and the general stress of usual living on hold for a week, well I GOT MY GROOVE BACK.
The ideas flooded my mind so much so I pulled out my note book and drew and made notes of the ideas in my head, ready to put those ideas into reality...
There was a lot of playing, some failures and some successes. Most of all it was fun and made me smile... before I knew it those little piles of goodies started to grow. Little bits of silliness to brighten up a winters day.
I was asked to have a stand at a craft stall, the shock when I realised I had NO stock. To be fair this year, the run up to Christmas and the craft fairs will have to go without my little goodies, too much to juggle, transport, childcare and initial cost of the stand...all obstacles...

BUT its given me a nudge, no its given me a big push... to get my act together and start doing what I like, start making my stock a little healthier than just the odd corsage... yes my GROOVE IS BACK.

Autumn break catchup

So my gypsy travelling is now over for another year, I spend most of my Spring and Summer weekends heading out to the beach. With the last half term holiday of the year I headed out one last time to stand on a deserted beach, feel the sea breeze through my hair, take in the sights, sounds and smells of this special place, this place that makes me feel at peace with the world no matter what is going on in my life. Yes indeed, I have said it before and I will say it again, the beach is a special place for my the soul...
At this time of year it offers a place of solitude and empowerment, its vast expanse of sand and never ending sea makes me happy to be alive. So the children and I spent as much time as possible here, we set up camp near the sand dunes, a little camping stove to make a bowl of pasta and pesto to keep the chills away.
Whilst the babes played in the sand and ran their little legs off I snuggled up under a blanket and pulled out my yarn, yes many things have been knitted and hooked on the beach this year.
We stayed each day until the warmth from the sun dissipated and the light started to fade...
Of course time on the beach would not be complete without a paddle in the sea...
But it is Autumn break and this means lots of walks through woods, the simple pleasure of kicking up leaves and listening to the children giggle as they lose themselves in the piles of fallen leaves, collecting token gifts from the season, rich blood red leaves and acorn cups...
Yes the delights of the season we enjoyed to the full. It was a difficult time for me personally, this holiday marks the first anniversary to the devastating changes that have gone on in my life, this time last year my life was in a different place and I was indeed a different person, it fills my heart with sadness at the loss and pain. Then I look at the year I have been through and I gain strength through all I have achieved on my own, I am ME, if anything I am now a better ME as I am indeed happier. The people I spend time with now want to be with me, like me for who I am and allow my creative spirit to shine.
I am a Mom and my creativity is a huge part of who I am and why I mother the way I do. I have learnt a lot this year, I still have some learning to do. BUT... my children are the absolute centre of my world, the gift that they are fills me with awesomeness. Indeed my life my be different, with worries, uncertainty and instability BUT... it is filled with love, riches beyond the material world and full of existing opportunities...
When the going gets tough this family gets the paint out, finds a creative space and we do 'our thing' until our soul is settled again.
So the week drew to an end the leaves are now nearly all on the ground, the land is snuggling up under the earth to rest, ready to flourish and bloom again next spring...

I hope your week was filled with memories to warm you through the coming months, its that time when the nights draw in, getting cosy under quilts, watching movies, eating pop corn, red wine, deep baths with candles and fluffy white towels, flickering fires to warm your toes up on, beautiful wool yarn and creative evenings and wet weekends splashing in puddles...

Enjoy

Today, this day...I am a city girl!

I swap my boots and pull on my posh shoes, throw my handbag over my shoulder and meet up with a friend and head for the city. A country girl, that's me, not a big fan of city living and not really a good shopper, but on this beautiful sunny autumnal day with the leaves falling like confetti I swapped my usual day to day routine for a trip into the city...

As you would expect the day included drinking and people watching in funky little cafes...
A little bit of retail therapy, topping up on my bead stash...
Looking around for views the city could entice me with...
A stroll around the Craft Village and a fabric shop, yes all in all, this was my kinda day in the city, no chain stores, no being elbowed by grumpy shoppers. A gentle stroll around the best the city can over in the way of crafty goodness, retro magic and vintage chic. Oh and followed by a long and lazy lunch, a treat indeed.
After all this retail therapy I am taking my head full of ideas of things to make, a box of felt n thread, a bag of yarn and of course my two most favourite people in the world and we are heading to the beach for the half term break. A crafty box is all made up for the children for the days when the weather keeps us indoors, our wellies are packed and our winter coats, hats and gloves are all ready for us to head off for a few days.

I wish you a fabulous week, what ever you are doing... now how much felt do you think I can use in a week.......................................................

Watching the seasons pass by...

Is it an age thing, that suddenly the time is going by too quickly? Is it that I see my children growing too fast? Is it the end of another summer, time to hunker down for the worst of the British weather...

I am aware of each and every passing season this year, more so than usual, the changes, the smells and mostly the colours that each season brings with its own particular time.
The way the light changes, the warmth or lack of it from the sun, the colours of the moors around me, what the farmers are doing with their crops and what animals are snaffling around.
The seasons are also marked by my hands, what I desire in my hands changes with the passing of the seasons, cooling cottons in the summer and rich warm wool in the winter, I sew more in the summer and I knit more in the winter. The food I cook changes also, my cookery books lay out before me as I try and look for economical heart warming dishes and I think about getting the slow cooker out for another stint of 'stew' cooking...
So as it gets darker and the weather chills the heart of the home, a new 'hottie' cover is made to keep me snug at night...
I love this spotty fabric, I love spots, but I bought this years ago and have used many meters of the fabric, it always makes me smile, especially when I look at my youngest babe and I remember I made fleece nappy covers with this happy fabric, hard to imagine now as my youngest runs into school with mischief in his eyes... Yes the passing of time features daily for me at the moment. Lots of thoughts of this time last year, so much is the same and equally so much is so different.

Whatever you are up to as the last days of Autumn pass us by I wish you happiness and good health. Half term here next week, I am busy sorting out crafty things for the children and I to do as we run off for our last week to our little place by the sea and bid it a heartfelt sad goodbye.

Chasing away the blues...

As another evening brings the weekend to a close, I sit here at my kitchen table while my babes sleep peacefully, a glass of rich red wine in hand to send a glow to my cheeks, I reflect on the last few days. The coughs and colds have dragged us down a little and halted our usual play. Not one to miss an opportunity though I did snuggle up under the quilts with my wee ones and start to sew together my blanket...I am so loving the colors and the peaceful therapy the repetitive action this project brings to me.
Its also been a time for catching up on a few unfinished projects, including the knitted cupcakes, usually finished off with a cherry I thought a change was in order and I used the lovely personable 'Little Cotton Rabbits' free pattern for a cupcake flower, rather pleased with the results too.
There is only so much of 'staying in' my boys and I can cope with... so when the calpol had kicked in we escaped for the weekend by the beach, only we never got to the beach, we relished the gifts of Autumn and went on a little nature walk in its place.
With the trees showing off their own fireworks, the chill in the air and the beautiful light that filters through the late afternoon air, it was a perfect day for a walk through the woods. The children running through the fields and splashing in the stream...
...yes if only Autumn did not mark the end of the summer I could truly enjoy this season...

I hope your weekend was bathed in the rays of the Autumnal sun and your time was spent with loved ones...

Bag it...

We have been hit by swine flu... well a bad cold or what ever seems to be the thing that's going around. Its meant time not leaving the home for many days. With lots of cuddles and calpol!!!Nights spent checking temperatures and days changing bedding. But with a few hours of children spent curled up on the sofa covered in quilts sipping juice, I actually sat down and got my sewing head on...
Its Autumn, which means a new season which in turn equals a new bag...
So taking my inspiration from the colours of the season I played about with some scraps and put this little number together...
A bag that makes me smile!!!
Amazing what a little bundle of felt can inspire....

Accepting Autumn...

Autumn is a funny time for me, I appreciate the beautiful colours I even look forward to the warm cosy evenings snuggling up in front of the fire with beautiful wool to knit with or cosy cord to sew. Spending time in my kitchen in the day cooking up hearty meals and of course getting my slow cooker out for all those warming stews and casseroles. But... I am a summer girl and of course Autumn marks the end of those long lovely days out in the fresh air, time spent on beaches and swimming in the sea, eating food outside and BBQs, flowing easy dressing, make up free thanks to the freckles the sun has blessed me with. Yes its a time of sadness for me. However with so much change going on in my life I am more accepting even welcoming this year of the visible changes on the land that mark the passing of time.
Yes, accepting... enjoying the dew kissed grass in the early mornings as I let the animals out to play for the day, the change in clothes as I pull out all my beautiful knitted tops which wrap around me like a second skin, re heeling my favourite boots and sorting out my socks and funky tights ready for the cooler days.
Of course if your a blog reader you can not helped but have noticed the many posts about the seasonal fruits, sadly my pair tree has a nasty disease and the pears are inedible this year, but the apples (not from my own garden but a welcome gift) are a treat this year, so on a cooler, wetter day whilst the babes worked hard at school, this Mommy peeled chopped and baked...
Topping up the larder and the freezer, little bags of apple sauce ready for a winters worth of roast dinners and of course Christmas Dinner with homemade apple sauce and pies for those times when you need a treat of a pudding... did I really say Christmas then?
Yes I accept the changes around me and this year I even embrace it, without even realising it I have noticed my selection of colours has changed from bright to darker earthy tones in what I wear and indeed what I sew.....

I wish you a wonderful week as day by day the leaves on the trees change and the grass needs mowing less...

Happy Hooker

Back in my kitchen after a couple of glorious days on the beach, it felt like the last few days of summer and as the seasons are changing I wanted to get out there and make the most of the warm rays of sunshine on my skin before I pull on the long sleeves and boots! SO forgive my absence but I was doing what I do best and spending time on the beach.
When not on the beach this past week, I was sitting in my rather overgrown garden (due to being away at the beach all summer) trying to teach myself to crochet, you may remember I tried this a couple of years ago and I just got frustrated by all the ends to sew in. A little wiser now and with the desire to make a ripple crochet blanket with stash, (my yarn diet lasted 9 weeks, then I needed to finish a project and had to buy a couple of balls). The desire outweighs my capabilities and as I poked around blogland I saw I was not the only one with this desire, must be the thought of the cooler and darker evenings. The lovely MOOGSMUM directed me to ATTICA24. A delight of a blog, and with the news of a new baby, I poured through the many pages of this informative and beautifully put together blog.
SO I sat with my laptop and my knitting bag and worked through one of her tutorials. Within a couple of days I was one Happy Hooker...
But what about the sewing? Well my thoughts have returned to my sewing and its just time that is keeping me away from my sewing room. So it was a delight of an opportunity to go and spend a day with friends doing a little hand sewing using the fabric that I had dyed earlier in the year. (See this post).
After selecting my design, I light boxed the pattern on to the fabric, layered up with wadding and backing muslin, with the 'rocking technique' I sewed little stitches all the way around the pattern. Therapy for the soul indeed, I felt calm, relaxed and happy as I sipped my tea and eating too many bickies, chatting and catching up with what my friends had got up to in the summer, yes a pleasant way to spend the day indeed.

Back home...

We return to normality, if you can call my home life normality. The summer holidays are over and both children reluctantly went into school. The summer holiday was a huge success, a feeling of 'I done it' fills my heart. My first year as a single Mom, seven weeks on my own with (in my opinion) the best two children in the world. It had its challenges, but we tackled them head on and came out smiling.So after weeks of living out of ikea bags I am now spending a few days being intimate with my washing machine!!!

The family home feels empty, unloved, and kinda soulless so I am moving from room to room removing dust and plumping up cushions. Attacking the post pile and paying the bills. Making phone calls and cleaning up the mess.

Every so often I pop into my sewing room and I get that tingle in my fingers, itching for some free time to spend creatively. Ahhh my beautiful sewing machine, give me a day or so and I will be with you.

So as I get in to my rhythm, after the cleaning, food shopping and baking are done I will be resuming normal Suzie Sews 'STUFF'...

I reluctantly welcome in September and all that Autumn brings us.